This is part 1 of a series of posts that will be compiled on the “Motherhood” page (linked at the top of the blog) once the series is finished. I’ve already shared Judith’s birth story here.
Before I Was a Mom
As a girl, I had lovely, naive dreams of growing up and having 5 or 6 kids and homeschooling them. It sounded incredibly easy and fun in my head. Anyone else ever feel that way, before you had kids? I had so many diverse interests (reading, writing, cooking, fitness, crafting, music, decorating, enjoying nature, the list goes on…) that I realized there wasn’t a typical “job” that would allow me to have the amount of free time I wanted to enjoy those hobbies that I loved (PS: I discovered later network marketing is that “job.” It’s not perfect, but it is a better way for the average person to create their own future, while allowing the time freedom to enjoy their hobbies.).
So I easily decided to become a homeschool mom, because from my perspective, that would allow me to enjoy all the activities that made me me, and teach my kids life lessons and skills as we enjoyed a creative life together. I also knew I wanted to contribute to my family’s income from home, and while I didn’t know what that would look like for me, I had peace from God that I was on the right path. I went to college to get an Exercise Science degree, because I loved exercise and I believed personal training was something I could keep doing part-time after I had kids. But before I was 2 years into that program, a health crisis caused me to stop exercising and change my major.
I ended up with a Bachelor’s degree in Interdisciplinary Natural Sciences, which I chose because 1) I enjoy learning about math, science, and nature, and 2) I wanted a strong background in the natural sciences to be able to teach my children from.
Have you every had the feeling that everything is about to change, and you don’t know what to expect but you can’t stop the change from coming, so you just awkwardly wait for it, and try to go about business as usual? That’s what pregnancy was like for me – exciting yet unsettling all at once.
Here I was about 8 months pregnant with Judith in 2014.
I’m not sure exactly what I expected motherhood to be like – it’s hard to imagine something when you have’t experienced it yet! But I kind of thought I’d be able to continue doing everything I was already doing, with a little mini-me at my side.
Little did I know…
Ok, so maybe scary isn’t the right word to describe my experience as a mom – when Judith was a newborn I felt completely confident and comfortable following my natural instincts to feed, hold, comfort, and care for her. That was the easy part. But motherhood turned out to be much harder than I imagined…
To be continued!